Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
