Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
