I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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