Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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