My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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