When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My breasts were aching with rage.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
