i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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