the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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