I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
