I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
