Don't make out with my wife yet
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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