my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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