So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
