Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i dont even know how to be here
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
