the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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