im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
