the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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