I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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