If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
