im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
