I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
