So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
