I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
