This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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