You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
