I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
