you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
