I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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