if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize