it wasn't lemon gatorade
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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