She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
