i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
whose parrot is this?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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