Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
