If that was your dad, he is hot
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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