he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
