Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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