btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize