My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
