Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
