We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
