I think I have vodka in my lungs
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
