I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
