i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
