I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
