thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
