Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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