Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
