Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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