guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
