the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
