No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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