I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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