I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
