I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
