just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
