I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
