I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
