A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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