People in love make me want to vomit
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
not ubering you a puppy
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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