tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
