saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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