oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
