I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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