Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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