Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
