I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
