you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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