Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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