She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
