Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
