We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Randomize