Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
