I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
