I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
