Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
